i should be dancin'...yeah...

Eli has decided that he wants to be a rapper and a dancer. I was less than excited about his career choice, but after seeing his moves and hearing his rhyme, I may have been a little hasty  Tonight with the aid of snap&pops he recreated his version of the Holiday Inn dance that Fred Astere did for the 4th of July! I think I may have a gold mine in that boy! (LOL)

stand your ground, steady now...

Tonight we brought Eli to Target with us in order to hone our parenting skills in the area of saying no. To make it especially challenging, Eli forced me to go into the toy department where he pointed out all of the benefits that each toy possessed. I held my ground and told him that we were only looking. I was doing well until Sherri came up and Eli switched tactics. He asked Sherri if he could get it and Sherri passed it back to me.
I caved...too much pressure!!! Off-sides !!! Foul!!!! Then Eli clinched the sale by giving me a big hug and announcing, " Dad, you're the best!"
I managed my own little coup...I managed to get Sherri to let me get egg nog! She's the best wife!

L is for the way you look at me,O is for the only one I see,V is very, very extraordinary,E is even more than anyone that you adore...

It seems as though Eli's heart has become twitterpated. Today on the ride to school, Eli started a conversation about love. Apparently there is a little girl named Abigail that he likes - you know the type - blond hair, blue eyes, wears the same things that you do ( they wear uniforms, but love is blind). He asked me if he could dye his hair golden, the way it used to be... this morning before he 

left for school. 
He asked Sherri if he could tell her that she is beautiful...Sherri said he could tell her that she is pretty. Eli asked if he should tell her that he loves her...Sherri said that he could tell her that he liked being her friend. Eli thought about the course of the conversation and then said...I know how I can get her to like me. First I need to create a team of Super Villains and then I could rescue her from them. He added that they weren't going to date until they got older. For this stage, he told Sherri that he would have to build a robot that could tell him where she lives.
Evidently ( according to Eli), Abigail has announced in the school newspaper that she is in love with someone that has really cool hair ( Eli smile, points to self and raises his hand), very smart ( Eli smiles, points to self and raises his hand), can do back flips ( Eli smiles, points to self and raises his hand). ( Eli, for the record can NOT do back flips), a hundred front flips ( Eli smiles, points to self and raises his hand) ( again, Eli can NOT do front flips, either)...
I can tell that I'm going to have to intervene. I've told him that I would hear from God FIRST about his wife/ girlfriend and then I would let him know...I've gotten nothing. The airwaves are silent about this Abigail chick.

The key is...

Tonight, when it was time for Sherri to go to class, Eli couldn't remember what he had done with the car keys. You may be asking yourself, " What were they thinking, letting Eli have the car keys!". Well, you see Eli needed to get his books out of the car ( which was a good and noble quest) but then he became distracted and wandered over to our neighbor Michelle's house. By the time Michelle walked

 Eli home and he had played with Piper and had done many adventurous things, it was time for Sherri to leave for school. She asked Eli where the keys were and that question was met with a dumbfounded blank stare and a solid response of " I don't know" ( this is a direct quote). Sherri demanded that Eli remember where he put the keys which is like asking the age old question of Whose on first? Sherri, Ariana, and I started looking for our ONLY, LAST, COMPLETE, set of keys. We looked like we were looking for a missing person - organized and spaced apart, responsible for our area and ready to yell with any leads.i came inside to see if Eli had had any luck sparking his memory, only to find him jumping on my bed.

I said Eli, I thought you were helping us look?
I am.
How?
I'm trying to remember. This helps me remember...
Sherri out of frustration announced that she was going to have to miss her class and Eli came up with a brilliant idea. You could wear some fast air shoes and fly to class. Sherri was not amused and told him that he wasn't helping. Now trying to track a 7 year old boy is like trying to follow the wind ( and they even have machines to do the latter) and I imagined in my mind one of those maps in cartoons with black dots going in circles and random places, when I was snapped back to reality by a loud..." I remember where they are". Now Eli being Eli, couldn't just walk directly to the keys. It was as though he had gotten into my head or I in his and he randomly walked through our den ( as though on a map with black dots in a cartoon) and ended up at a basket on the bookcase. He reached in and retrieved the keys - much like a magician reaching in and pulling a rabbit out of a hat. There was no time for questioning and there were no answers given as to How? Why? Or When?
By the way, Sherri did make it to class and through the search and rescue, I found another key to the car...not bad!

You say potato, I say...

Eli still has a way with words although the school system is determined to replace his words and phrases with proper terminology and words that adults deem correct. I think his terms are a lot more descriptive and actually make more sense. For example: an umbrella has become known as an underbrella around our house. Tonight he asked if the school lunch featuring baked chicken would also have one of his favorites...mash-ma-tatoes ( sometimes also said: mash-a-my-tatoes). I hope we never have boring old mashed potatoes at our house, but just like cradle crap ( as our daughter Ariana used to call it when she was little) has to go, so do some of the most innocent of sayings.

Back to nature...

There is nothing quite like coming home to the peaceful sounds of a waterfall to take your mind off of the cares of the day.........wait a second......I don't have waterfalls in my house, nor do I live by any waterfalls, babbling brooks, or playful streams. I don't hear well, so I do have to check out and verify what I THINK that I hear, only this time I could SEE what I thought I was hearing.

El

i decided to take a bath when he got home from school (odd for a seven year old boy, I know). He started running the water, but became distracted when a friend from next door knocked on the door and asked him to play. Well, being more like the typical seven year old, he went to play and forgot the water.

When I opened the bathroom door, the water was cresting over the top of the tub embankment and enjoying its new freedom, began making a mad dash out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I did catch it before it made it out of my bedroom and into the dinning room. From there, it would have been like a river making it to the ocean... By flooding the living room, kitchen, and den!
Sherri and I won't be taking a bath for a while since it took every towel in the house to stop the great flood of October (15) 2012. I put the date in parenthesis because tomorrow is another day, history is bound to repeat itself, I live in south Louisiana where a flood can happen with any rainfall, and last but not least - Eli lives here!

Back to the future...

Giving a heads up...Eli has been spending his afternoons doing experiments. There are various containers and water bottles with food coloring in them...some even have dirt in them. His goal is to create a time portal. If he succeeds, I may see you in the past...or the future. I just wanted someone to know, just in case. I'm also going to start carrying around a list of things to invent just in case I get to go back to the past...

salesman of the year...

Eli has been inspired to win a laptop computer from his school by selling the school's fund raiser of cookie dough and other baking things. He must sell 80 items which is very lofty, but he is asking Michelle (our neighbor) to help him by selling them also. To clinch his goal he has also opened a petting zoo in the backyard. He has a lot riding on the appeal of Piper (our dog) as his only attraction. He tried to include Mrs. Beasley (our cat), but she was uncooperative and kept walking away.

Mary did you know...

I was so excited that my Great Aunt gave me her nativity set that I remember being in awe of when I was a child. I brought it home and started opening it and setting it up. I wanted Eli to sense the same magic that I felt. Just when I finished and could hear faint choruses of "Oh Holy Night", Eli ran into his room, came back, and added a modern twist to the moment. Immediately the heavens closed, the music stopped, and the magic ended... Maybe by Christmas!

we three kings?

I was so excited that my Great Aunt gave me her nativity set that I remember being in awe of when I was a child. I brought it home and started opening it and setting it up. I wanted Eli to sense the same magic that I felt. Just when I finished and could hear faint choruses of "Oh Holy Night", Eli ran into his room, came back, and added a modern twist to the moment. Immediately the heavens closed, the music stopped, and the magic ended... Maybe by Christmas!

Do you have any last request?

Getting Eli to eat has become a major event at the house. In order to expand his dinning selections from chicken nuggets, pizza, spaghetti, and Marconi and cheese, I have had to implement a new diet plan. He must try/eat six new things before he can have another pizza. Last night was our first trial run. Sherri had made the soup that my mom used to make for me.( I called it vegetable soup, but tha

t is a loose interpretation...it only has tomatoes, tomato sauce, onions, celery, potatoes and stew meat) Eli refused to try it. He said he would rather go to bed hungry, so i obliged him that opportunity. After two minutes, I felt guilty so I went in and tried to convince him to try it...like the guy in green eggs and ham. NO was the reply. I told him that if he kept eating only the 4 things that he eats, i was going to have to get wider doors because it was going to catch up to him. He thought on this point for a little while and even asked how they could make the doors bigger...he missed the point. I tried another approach. I went and got the food and told him that I was going to have to shovel it in. He liked this idea and wanted me to hold him down and blindfold him. i did put a towel over his eyes but I told him that he would have to stand up to eat...we could still pretend that he was a prisoner, but it wasn't safe to lay down and chew (see, I am a conscientious dad!). Once I had him blindfolded, Sherri had to count to ten while he breathed and on ten she had to stick it in his mouth. after eating a bite, he decided that he liked it, but still wanted to be a prisoner. he ate three more bites before claiming that he was full and going off to brush his teeth and go to bed. He now has five more new things to try/eat before pizza. I'm not sure that this little "game" will work at restaurants...I may get arrested for kidnapping! I'm also not sure how many scenarios of torture I can come up with that will get him to eat...firing squad, water boarding, Iron Maiden...

He knows when you've been bad or good...

I guess Eli has realized that Christmas is right around the corner. This morning on the way to school, Eli asked Sherri what list he was on. Sherri asked for clarification on the subject and Eli said you know, the naughty or nice list. Sherri replied with a question," How do you think you end up on the naughty list?" Eli thought and said that being mean to his sister would put him on there. Then S

herri asked him how he could get on the nice list. Eli thought a it longer on this one and finally came to the conclusion that staying far away from his sister should do the trick.
For good measure he came home from school and did ALL of his homework without screaming, wailing, and/or gnashing of teeth. (This is now just one more example and reason as to why Christmas should be before us all year long!)

Father-Son time...

Spending the weekend with Eli and doing the things that he wanted to do reminded me of a time with my dad. I remember how excited I would get when my dad would let us do something fun...that we actually thought was fun. I remember as kids we would go to my grandmother's farm in Mississippi every weekend. At the beginning of the causeway ( a 26 mile bridge across a lake that creates one of New Orleans' boundaries) or the end, depending on if you were coming or going, there was a giant " Super Slide" all lit up. It was bright yellow and orange with flags at the top. There was a certain magic that you could feel, much like the Sirens song that lures young sailors. Often times my siblings and I would beg to stop so that we could play and 9000 out of 9001 times my dad would so no, but on that 9001 time and he would say yes excitement would fill the car. My dad would park in the parking lot of Lakeside mall and my sisters would get a potato sack and start the climb up the Mt. Everest of slides. I guess looking back on it now, the slide was nothing more than what is found in school fairs or parish festivals, it seemed bigger than life but the thrill really had everything to do with your dad stopping what he was doing so that you could do something ...fun. I want Eli to have those memories also, (not that I have a lot of my dad stopping everything but when he did, it was special).I never want to be so busy that I can't stop, at least for a little while.

Road trip...

Well, traveling last night was...interesting. we made it to Baton Rouge (about 30 miles from my house) before the first "are we there yet(s)" started. Those continued until the first pleas for food and bathroom replaced them, with us stopping in Breaux Bridge at McDonald's. I get out of the car only to hear Eli say that he had taken off his shoes (just moments before leaving) and had forgotten to 

put them back on. Luckily, I was a boy scout and packed him an extra pair. After getting a happy meal from our bathroom host, we were off. Now the toy provided in the kids meal that Eli got was a pair of vampire teeth -which out of no where, Eli clamped them down on my neck, causing slight alarm on my part and a lecture on why we do not disturb the driver. At the end of my eloquent speech and an open floor for questions, Eli sighed and asked, " Are we there yet?". By the time we reached Lake Charles, Eli had cleared off the back seat of the collection of necessary toys that we had to bring (resembling an aisle of Toys are Us) for the trip, so he could lay down. Upon reaching Texas, Eli was like a cat in a kennel full of dogs. He was ready to get out of the car...nothing was making him happy...not even the hot fudge Sunday that I got from another McDonald's because the plain hamburger with NOTHING but ketchup was discovered to be plain with NOTHING so I had to get ketchup. He hated the Sunday because it wasn't chocolate and the chocolate that it did have was hard and didn't mix with the ice cream...the complaints were coming fast and furiously, when my mom quietly said...we could put him on the roof like Mitt Romney did to his dog.
Eventually Eli fell asleep, we arrived at my cousins...and this morning at 6:00, all is well...until I tell him that its raining and we may not be going to a pumpkin patch this morning!

Did someone call for a Paleontologist?

Eli asked me if he could dig up the bunnies that we got two Easters ago (pets that didn't work out well for us...they died about a week after Easter) Anyway, being intrigued and a little grossed out, I asked why. He replied that he wanted to pretend like he was one of those men that dig up dinosaur bones and puts them back together. I'm glad he didn't see where I buried them...or the other unfortunate animals that didn't make it, for that matter.

Ruler of the animals...

I'm so very excited! Eli has been chosen as the Grand Giraffe for this coming week in his classroom.( It is the equivalent of being student of the week, only Eli said it's greater because it's the Grand Giraffe and... well, it is a Giraffe after all!) Eli showed us the note from his teacher and it explained that Eli was able to be the Grand Giraffe because he had done something that had upheld the

 values of the school and he had shown respect for himself, his environment, and for others. He will get to have this honor for a week and with it comes the privilege of being the line leader and having a poster about you hung in the classroom. All of this was great, but Eli explained that the greatest thing about being the Grand Giraffe is that you get to rule the school and everyone bows down to you when you pass them and they give you things.( I failed to read this part in the letter, but Eli assured me that his account of the GG is accurate and factual.) I do have a few concerns...I don't think that he will be satisfied with one week( with all the bowing and serving and the giving of gifts, I know I would want it to go on...and on...and on), I'm not sure why his teacher left the serving and bowing and the basic transfer of power between adult and student out of her letter, and because of this great honor, will the school ever be the same? So ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure ( and bowing and scraping ) that I announce that my son is the Grand Giraffe. ( wonder if there are any perks for the Father of the Grand Giraffe...)

Being the Grand giraffe did have its perks for Eli. He got a genuine fake gold medallion on a red, white, and blue ribbon (that he MUST wear ALL week), a bracelet (that he MUST wear all week) and he is the leader of the hippos,giraffes, and the monkeys...maybe he really is KING of thhhheeeeee for-est!

In praise of GOOOGLE...

God has allowed Eli to live another day. I know that it was by his Divine revelation that Google was founded and appointed for such a day as today. 
We had stopped to get snowballs for Sherri, Eli, and Ariana. The line was long, but we were in e comfort of our car waiting to advance in the drive thru. Eli was being himself which can be larger than my trailblazer sometimes can hold...today was one 

such day. He was talking, telling stories, drumming, singing ( all at the same time and poking and yelling at Ariana. At some point, Eli decided that Ariana was no longer worthy of a seat belt nor the safety of such a thing, so he stretched the belt from one side of the car to the headrest of the other side - which caused the belt to LOCK in that position. When I got home, I could not remove the headrest, I could not move the seat up or back or up and down. It was stuck! Now I am in NO WAY a mechanically inclined person when it comes to automobiles and the secret workings of interior or exterior spaces ( I do know how to change a tire, fill up with gas, and if need be, flag someone down for help). I did the only thing that someone with my limited knowledge could do, I started taking the seat belt apart...I only took off the cover before realizing that I did not have a tool or the strength to remove the bolt holding the belt in place. Plan B: remove the head rest...no can do! It only goes so far and then it stops. Plan C: google the problem. I typed in " my son stretched the seat belt across the car to the other side and it is now stuck on the headrest". To my shock and great relief this same thing had happened to a lady with an Escalade and her nephew! I followed the simple instructions...BTW, the headrest stops and then there is a pin that you must push in order to release the headrest. The belt went zipping back into its normal position, I pounded the interior covers back onto the walls of my car that I had tried to pry off, and Eli has lived another day and another adventure is history. Thank God for google! I'm not sure how my parents survived without it!!!!

gold or nothing!

Eli and our friend Michelle were watching  the Olympic Women's Volleyball final game the other night between the USA and Brazil.  Eli was all into the games and really liked cheering for the States. Michelle told us that Eli started praying for team USA (wanting to give them a divine edge) and they started scoring more points. As Brazil started scoring more points, Eli thought about it and told her, "Wait, I think someone is praying for THEM...!"
In the end team USA lost the game to Brazil and Eli was not satisfied with a Silver medal: "That just means we lost."  Tough crowd with the 7 year old Romanian judge!

Ice Age 3D

that dog? that dog will never worry you by catching a cold...

Well, I guess I have to admit to the world that I have had a moment of weakness and...well... I went to the animal shelter to see what kind of animals they had. I know it was a dumb thing, especially with our animal history and being black balled by PETA and all. 
Anyway, I found a dachshund that had been turned in by a little old lady who could no longer care for the dog.I thought - perfect! This

 animal has lived with an old lady its entire life. He will be quiet and calm. I told Sherri about my find and surprisingly, she didn't get mad at my suggestion. ( she likes dachshunds and has had them before ). I was told of all the great qualities that this breed possess. I was .sold! I loaded up Eli, Sherri and Ariana and off we went to the pound! Only it closed at 4:30 and we got there at 4:32...disappointment abounded!! I convinced/suggested that Sherri take the kids after school today...I didn't need to be there. Well, I did need to be there. I received about 10 phone calls in rapid succession ...kind of like when you're trying to be the 8th caller to a radio station. First call...(Sherri) the dachshunds that are here are all senior dogs. (Me) that's the beauty of it all. They are already house broken. (Sherri)The kids don't think they will be much fun. They barely move. (Pause) (Sherri) There are some puppies that are here, Lhsa Apsas, and the kids want one of them. (Me)WHAT???? We said Dachshunds. (Sherri) I'm just telling you what they want. I have to go... Call 2...(Sherri)we have a problem. Eli wants a black one and Ariana wants a tan one. (Me) They have to pick one...only one... Call 3...(Sherri)Eli is crying and Ariana has gone outside. (Me) put Eli on the phone....Hey Buddy, you have to agree on one dog or you can't have either one. (Eli) But I want the boy one...the black one. (Me) I know...(Eli) Daddy said I could have the black one. (Me) Eli...Eli...I did not..(click)... call 4...(me) Sherri, I did not tell him that. Make them agree to flip a coin. (Sherri) ok, I'll call you back. Call 5...(Sherri) Eli is in the parking lot crying...he lost the toss. He called it and tossed it...and lost. (Me) put Eli on the phone...Eli, its ok buddy (I reach into my consolation prize schemes and pull out a good one) Eli when we move into our next house (which is kind of just out there) you can pick a dog to live there...(Eli) ...NOOOOO ...sniff...sniff...I want the black one. It's a boy ...(Me) I know son, but...(Eli) Dad said I could get the black one....(click) call...oh whatever the number...(Sherri) I should have made you do this...what are we supposed to do now? He really wants the boy puppy
And Ariana isn't backing down.
Thinking quickly and with the wisdom of Solomon, I said...when the dog is fixed, it will neither be male or female..(Sherri...with a sound of distress in her voice) We are going back in to see the puppies....call... (Me) well...(Sherri) Eli said he wants the tan one. (Cuban crisis over!!!)
Everyone came back...(Eli) dad (whisper) this is really the boy dog...don't tell Ariana. We need to give him a boys name.
We have a dog without a name, two kids that want the dog to sleep in their rooms and a variety of names being called AT each other ( none of which are suitable for a puppy...at least not yet)

black widow...

Tonight someone posted a picture of a Black Widow Spider on their fb wall. I pointed out the picture to Eli and told him of the dangers of the Black Widow. I explained that if they bite you, you have to be rushed to the hospital because they can kill you. I thought that I was providing my son with important life saving information. I taught him this little poem ( I'm not sure if I heard this some

where or if I made it up) "if the spider has any red, run away or you could be dead"
Sherri thought it was a little over the top...I think Eli did too. I now have to go with him to brush his teeth, to get things out of his room, and he has proclaimed that he is sleeping in MY bed tonight. I hate Black Widow Spiders! They ruin everything!!!

say Uncle...!

From Michelle (our neighbor/friend) during the summer Olympics:  Eli just informed me that his dad has a brother in China with 10 kids. His name is Oka, which is his Spanish name that means "Jake". It's his (Eli's) favorite uncle and in this particular swim meet, he's cheering for China.

P.S. China won and USA came in 2nd & 3rd.

Take me out to the ball game...

Eli and I had a great time at the baseball field. We had pizza, drinks, and even had cotton candy (divided between four little boys...dirty hands and all). There was a great fireworks show at the end...dedicated to super heroes. Each time a different hero was announced, Eli exclaimed that that character was the one shooting off the explosives.  He was so excited about the fireworks that he actually sat still for a whole 15 minutes!

Not bad for our first semi-pro baseball game together!

the best day ever!

Tonight is the best night! Eli came and got in bed with Sherri and I ( Sherri is already asleep). I had asked her a question and Eli said that it was just him and me talking. I said "oh!" in reply and he said that we could talk. I said, "ok, what do you want to talk about"? That's when he said, "Dad, I'm afraid of dying one day." I told him that everyone will die one day, but I'm not afraid to die 

because I know what happens next. I told him that I wanted to live a very long time and hold his babies on my lap and play with them...but, I'm not afraid to die when the time comes. I told him that he didn't have to be scared either...he just needed to ask Jesus to be his friend, to forgive him, and to invite him into his life and heart. We prayed a simple prayer and when asked where Jesus lives, Eli told me in his heart!
It was such a wonderful honor to pray with so many children in past years as they made a life long discussion and  tonight, I got to share my faith with my son and now we have this in common also!
God you are so wonderful!!

now i lay me down to sleep...

Tonight is the best night! Eli came and got in bed with Sherri and I ( Sherri is already a sleep). I had asked her a question and Eli said that it was just him and me talking. I said "oh!" in reply and he said that we could talk. I said, ok, what do you want to talk about? That's when he said, "Dad, I'm afraid of dying one day." I told him that everyone will die one day, but I'm not afraid to die because I know what happens next. I told him that I wanted to live a very long time and hold his babies on my lap and play with them...but, I'm not afraid to die when the time comes. I told him that he didn't have to be scared either...he just needed to ask Jesus to be his friend, to forgive him, and to invite him into his life and heart. We prayed a simple prayer and when asked where Jesus lives, Eli told me in his heart!
It was such a wonderful honor to pray with so many children in past years as they made a life long discussion and now tonight, I got to share my faith with my son and now we have this in common also!
God you are so wonderful!!

This is Major Tom to ground control...

Im not sure what Eli is training this guy to do, but involves enduring fridged conditions. This guy is stuck in our window unit.

peace on Earth...

Dear God, I know that you are sending your son Jesus back very soon. I have seen the greatest of the signs and wonders...I have seen the lion and the lamb lay down together...well, ok it wasn't an actual lion and a lamb...it was Eli and Ariana sitting on my bed, working together, acting like they liked each other. No yelling, no screaming, no name calling, no tongues sticking out, no motives...pea

ce. Miracles do happen...everyday. I've witnessed one tonight.
I wish that I would have taken a picture as proof. But I suppose people would have started making pilgrimages to our house and Sherri has been gone for a week and she would KILL me if people started visiting this holy site without her having the chance to clean up a bit (not that we have messed up... much!) Well It's over, much like a rainbow, the brother/ sister phenomenon is over. God has given me a glimpse of his power and greatness....amazing!

I scream, You scream, We all scream for ice cream!

I think Eli has found a way to pass his time during summer now that summer camp is over. He plays a few games like " aggravate my sister until she screams and hits me", " tattletale on my sister until she screams and hits me", " hide things from my sister until she screams and hits me" I'm not sure of the rules, but I think Eli is winning. Today he scored major points...really a coup de gras as it were.
Sherri witnessed Eli putting an ice cream sandwich on his head this afternoon after running around and playing and naturally sweating in our lovely 98*f weather mixed with a great thick humidity. Sherri said, "Eli, don't put that ice cream sandwich on your forehead baby. That's gross because you are all hot and sweaty." Eli told her that it felt good and Sherri acknowledged that it probably did but that it didn't make it any less gross. Eli stopped and very sweetly went into the other room and asked Ariana if she wanted an ice cream sandwich. Ariana asked why? He replied... Because its hot. Do you want an ice cream sandwich? Her response was "sure", so Eli gave her the sweat covered ice cream sandwich after which , he walked back into the kitchen with a huge smile.
Today the judges have to give the game, set, and match to Eli!
Tomorrow is a new day and I'm sure the strategies are being plotted in his sleep!
Sleep well Ariana, sleep well!

medicare wants you...

Today Eli heard a commercial on the radio asking if you or someone you know is turning 65. Eli called from the back seat, Dad, are you 65? I said no. Then he said, Are you older? I said NO! I am 48... He seemed disappointed.

you my son must go on a quest...

Eli and I were watching Iron Man 2 and he said," Dad, before you die you are supposed to make a video for me and hide it so that I can find it later based on clues that you leave behind." I asked what is supposed to be in the video? He said that the kid is not supposed to know what's in the video but It's got to be cool and either explain something to him or lead him somewhere or help him find something.
I hope I don't make a lame video. It appears that it is extremely important what the video reveals...oh the pressure! What if what I reveal has already been revealed to him...Eli's standards and expectations are high and his knowledge vast. (Just today he told me he was ready to go to college)
Superman's dad made a really cool "death"video, complete with a viewing habitat. Iron Man's dad made a video for him and made something also...
I'm glad I found out now what the expectation is, I would hate to just leave an inheritance for him.

lions, and cheetahs, and ants...oh,my

Good morning from the time of 3AM. Eli has managed once again to have a wee morning adventure and has so graciously brought me along. 
This morning it is bugs! Eli woke up calling to me and claiming that there was a huge bug biting him - so I got up and checked. I found nothing. Then he claimed that he itched...everywhere! After his demands for me to scratch his back, I did notice two mosquito bites. I put some cort-aid on and that should have been the end of it. Not for Eli though. He decidedly that a bath was in order to get rid of the itches. When we pulled back the shower curtain there was a huge outdoor roach, so I was forced into combat mode. I used my WMD ( which consisted of a flip flip and a cup of very hot water from the sink.) I'm proud to say that there is one less roach in the world, 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 left to go ( give or take a hundred). After cleaning the tub and disinfecting it, Eli started taking his bath...still is right now...and our subject is bugs. Daddy why are there so many ants? I tried to explain that ants help break down things and they are really good for the environment. Then why do you try to kill them? Good question...I TRY, but I don't appear to be successful with this one. I bought ant poison and put it on the mound. Next day there are two mounds. Put the poison on two mounds...next day five. I think someone put confectioners sugar in my bottle! Anyway, I did explain that ants are good, but we don't want them in our yard. Then more questions came about roaches ( which I explained were good for nothing), and moths, and cheetahs and scary things...we get off subject very easily.
Eli dried off, got redressed, went back to bed and I went back to mine and...now he is in my bed because he can't sleep thinking about the bugs ...

whickki whickki whickki...

All night Eli has been trying to convince me that his summer camp is putting on a big show. At first he wanted to be the DJ and showed me how you are supposed to spin records and scratch the sound. Then a little while later he told me we needed to find a large bunny costume because he is also going to play a large rabbit in the show. Out of sheer interest in seeing a large rabbit DJ in a school show, I'd buy a ticket! I'm also interested in seeing what roles the other kids will be playing!

father's day...

It's 3AM on Father's Day (Happy Father's Day, by the way) . Eli woke me up from a dead sleep for some ice water. Everyone is asleep now, including Eli - whom just took (A) sip, ( ONE) sip and went back to sleep. So here I am...AWAKE now.
I'm not upset though. I've played the role of night time care giver almost since he was born. I was the first one to get to hold him when he was born and that little bald, mucus covered kid melted my heart and I was hooked. I cried that cold early morning in January. I was so overcome with emotion. Eli was the the fulfillment of God's word to me.
(I have 4 step children and they are great and I love them dearly...I consider them my own and have sacrificed and provided for them as I have for Eli. But there is something different about your own. Maybe it's because you are there from the very beginning and they are part "you". Hmmm...)
Anyway,two years prior to the birth of Eli, I was praying one night at a special church service. As I was praying, a little boy ( Cody Campbell) was running around the church. I was distracted and started watching him. He was one of the first kids in my children's ministry and I loved him. I think he was 6 at the time and so full of life and energy. Cody was always telling me something about this or that - kid stories that grown ups sometimes miss the importance of ( and the point of). It was at that moment, while watching Cody, that I asked the Lord for a son like him. I remember it so clearly. I said, " Lord, I want a son like Cody one day" and the Lord responded that night to me and told me that I would have a son. I said, " Great, I'll name him Eli ( a name that I had loved for years prior to this moment. It was a name that Sherri and I had discussed and agreed on, should we ever have a child together) . And the Lord spoke to me again and told me that I could call him Eli, meaning " ascension", but that his name was to be Elisha, meaning " my God is salvation". I agreed ( I wasn't stupid! You don't argue with God...and win and/or live!!). The night ended very late and Sherri and I went home very tired and I didn't speak of the nights event. I figured I'd tell her in the morning. The next morning we woke up and Sherri and I were talking and she she told me that she had had the strangest dream. She said that in the dream, we had a little boy and she kept calling him...Eli, Eli, come here and he didn't respond. Then she said that the Lord had spoken in the dream and said that that wasn't his name.
It was here that I spoke up and revealed the name that the Lord had spoken to me. I said," No, his name is Elisha". Sherri asked me how I knew that because that was the name in her dream, so I told her about the night before.
Two years later, I was holding my promise. We had Eli at home and never had any ultrasounds, nothing like that. I just knew that we were having a boy and told everyone that we were having a boy and sure enough, that's what we had. At that moment, it is so overwhelming to see the fulfillment of what you have known and hoped for...and so the tears.
To me, it is one of the greatest gifts in life to be a dad...a father. There is so much responsibility to the job, if you are going to do it right, but the rewards far out weigh any sacrifice that I might make. I work with young people all the time that are ( or become) fathers, but they miss the opportunity of being a Dad. I feel sad for their loss and for the child's. It's a cycle of missing empty men that create boys that become missing empty men...able to create life, but unable to sustain and nurture it.
It's now 4:30AM and all is well. I'll try to get a little more sleep, but church will be here soon and I'll be up again...fulfilling another role of being a father!

i study art...(con)art

Well, it's official...Eli has the gift. Eli has been attending a reading and math camp for the past two weeks at the SLU lab school and will continue for two more weeks. Every week the teacher sends home a progress report to let us know how Eli is doing and what they are doing. This week we found out to our surprise that Eli has been working on sight words, twenty to be exact. They told us that Eli is having fun using the shaving cream to make letters and to spell out the words...REALLY? Eli has convinced them that he can not read! He knows most of the rules of the English language. I called a friend who has a little girl in his class and she is reading books! Eli just thought it was more fun to play with the shaving cream!!! He has conned these poor unsuspecting student teachers!!! He is very good at his craft. For the record, when we were driving to get a new toy that he convinced me that his mother said that I would take him to get when I got home from work (yes, I too fall victim sometimes), he read "car wash, not responsible for..." then we drove away.

those aren't saddlebags, those are fuel cells

Eli claims that he received his shots in the fuel cells in his legs. If you get " shot" in one fuel cell, you will still be alright, but to be " shot" in two fuels you are no longer able to walk. Guess what happened to Eli? He miraculously found pair of adult crutches to help him with his temporary paralysis. He has had to demonstrate everything that one can do on crutches - they really are an amazing apparatus, much like a trapeze. I did make an almost fatal mistake. I told Eli that he really didn't need crutches so he proceeded to show me what happens to those that are "shot" in the fuel cells. My child fell into a crumpled mass on the floor and for effect he asked if I could help him up. Once up, the amazing crutches were able to do their thing and Eli was mobile once again. 
There WAS a miracle tonight and it came by way of a small snail shell ( its usually the small things that bring on such things). Eli found the said snail shell and proceeded to come out of my room ( he is sleeping in my room because he couldn't get up the ladder to his bunk bed.). He asked me what it was and I told him that it was a snail, then he walked back to the room...without crutches (he came out without them also). Amazing! He is already on the mend...until the morning and he hears the call of the crutches.

round two!

Eli is having to get his second round of shots for school. Sherri and I are both in the back with Eli. Eli has stated for the record that he WILL NOT be receiving any shots. Before I could offer any deals, the offers were coming out of Sherri's mouth. The only difference is that Sherri makes conditions to her offers. I think Eli is now bound by her contract to 1)not say anything, 2) he can not move, 3) he can not scream 4) is open to interpretation ( I think she left an escape clause)
Eli is working it from his side also. I think he has worked the deal to 4 toys just for allowing the shot to take place ( his side has NOT agreed to Sherri' s terms yet)... Sherri even told him to pretend that the nurse is an alien trying to do experiments on him. Not sure about this tactic. I know Eli and he may start questioning the unsuspecting nurse about her planet.
I haven't said anything. I'm just waiting for the nurse to arrive and the two parts ( or three if you include the nurse) to play out...may the best negotiator win!


We are on our way to Target!  :-)

the shot heard around the world...

Well, we made it through the doctor visit.We had the height checked - great (Eli is in the 90 percentile rate for his age), eye check - great (not color blind either), ear check - great, spine check - great, pee in the cup - great fun/great, blood check - blood check? - blood check...it was at this point that Eli started putting two and two together...finger pricked, blood coming out...pain, suffering (Eli was hurting also)...tears...Eli declared that there would be no shots given. I told him that he had already come this far, we might as well finish...I hoisted my 72 pound son up onto the table and the nurse got another nurse to hold his feet. I held him down and the blood-curdling screams started...deafening screams... screams that could be heard in the other check up rooms (striking fear in other kids), screams that could be heard in the waiting room (striking fear in family members of children that were in the check up rooms), screams that could be heard outside (striking fear in arriving parents and children), screams that could be heard in Milwaukee (striking fear in ...well, I'm not sure who it struck fear in, but I'm sure there was someone)...and then the nurse said she was ready to give the shots!!! What??? Really???...you haven't given any shots???... under duress, stress and suffering, I doubled all payments and bribes...the shots were given,5 (6 if you ask Eli - because the finger prick counts as one) in the leg...many more screams, many tears...they were the shots heard around the world...but we did it! they are done...well...until next month.
After the grand ordeal, Eli reminded me of all of his rewards and we went to target and got two toys, he had two cheese pizzas...and the rest will be paid off in a timely manner. Not sure how much it will cost me next time...bribing Eli and Sherri!

doctor, doctor...

Friday, Eli will be visiting a pediatrician for the first time in his life. He will be getting his first set of immunization shots.
I told him that I would be going to the doctor with him and he asked if he would get a shot. I couldn't lie to him, so I said yes, to which there was a loud NNNOOOOO!!!!! Good or bad, I have taught him the art of the deal. He asked if he could get a little shot that didn't hurt. I told him that it may hurt a little. He cried and said that he didn't like bee stings and if it felt like that then he didn't want one. I told him it would be more like a mosquito bite. He said "no thank you, I don't like mosquitoes". I said if you want to play outside then you have to put up with a few mosquitoes , the same thing with shots if you want to go to school. Eli thought about it and decided he would rather be home schooled. We are still going to the doctor, he is still getting his shots, he is still going to school, and he is now getting pizza, going to a movie and playing laser tag.
I figured his deal was easier to pay up on than the deal I would have to make to get Sherri to homeschool for second grade.

joker...joker...joker...

Today Sherri and I went with some friends to look at old doors for a project that we will be doing for them. The doors were in this shed like building and the gentleman who owned it had lots of old salvaged wood and iron pieces...it was very cramped inside and it was wet and drizzly when we got there.
As I was moving doors, I kept seeing spiders everywhere (not cool). Anyway, our friends purchased 8 doors and I helped carry them out - after inspecting them for spiders. When I left, I kept feeling like there were spiders on me and would get that kind of creepy shake that people get. I also felt VERY dirty and had to put germ-x on when we got to the car. I guess you get the picture now...the place was dirty, cramped and spider infested and I was in the middle of it and outside of my comfort zone.
Anyway, fast forward about an hour and Sherri and I made it home. Eli wanted to play dinosaurs ( a game where he is a meat eating dinosaur and I am a herb eating dinosaur and we battle - glorified wrestling). I threw him around a little, but I couldn't shake the yucky feeling so I told Eli that I was going to take a shower and we could play when I got out.
I turned on the water, undressed, got in, and I started to look for spiders being washed off of me. I kept thinking about the place when I heard Eli knock. I told him that I would be out in a little while and asked him to go watch some TV, then I went back to the scrubbing, disinfecting and de-spidering. about two minutes later the curtain pulled back and Eli roared/screamed then ran out. It was like one of those Psycho movie moments. I was deep in thought about scary things and then to have what appeared as a crazed midget coming after me...well, I screamed - like a girl (let's just say that I could do a voice over for Janet Leigh). I did. He scared me and I gave him the satisfaction that he needed. It was like the vortex of all my thoughts and concerns (some would call them fears) coming together in one place!
Why???
He tried a second time, but I was on to him.

the power of a train

For Easter Sherri gave me a Mexican train domino set complete with little plastic trains. Eli asked me to play with him and began pulling everything out of the box. I was trying to explain the game when Eli told me that that really wasn't how to play and he began telling me the REAL way.
In the game that Eli plays, you make train tracks out of the dominos with bridges and dead-ends and broken tracks. Every train has a super power and you try to win all of the trains. Example: the red train has fire power and the white train has ice power. The fire train can melt the ice train and you have to give up the white train. There is an exception to this rule: if I have the fire train and Eli somehow gets the white train ( which is rare) he knows the secret so that the ice can cool down the fire and then put it out, thus giving him control of the fire train. It's very hard playing against someone who knows the fleeting powers of the lesser trains. I always seem to loose when I play and much prefer to play against Sherri. I always win against her because of Nordic rules. Nordic rules state that a man can never loose against a woman unless he dies during the game and then it becomes a tie.

bibbidi-bobbidi-boo...

Tonight I tucked Eli in bed and followed our natural routine: I read a book, we talked and laughed, we prayed...but tonight it was a little different, bittersweet really. Tonight he is six. When he wakes up, he'll be seven.
*poof...another year.

let's celebrate...something!

Tonight I declared that we would not have a Christmas tree next year since I am the one who had to put it up, decorate it, take it down and pack everything away - by myself.
Eli quickly asked if we could celebrate kwanza or that other holiday with candles since we aren't going to have Christmas. Quick kid...

parenting tip

My parenting style may not be conventional, but it is effective. Last night, Eli decided that he didn't want to go to school so I told him that there were only three options for him. He could go to school and learn, he could go to jail - because that's what happens to truants, or he could go to work and the only place for kids to work at is a sweat shop and those kids work long hours, sometimes losing hands and fingers. He thought about it and today he's at school! Crises averted...for now!

The long arm of the law!

This is what I found on the wall when I came home from work. It's a touch of Eli!
This is one of those sticky hands holding up one of his play mobil men...not sure what they did to get in this kind of trouble!