name that tune...

I am playing, "Name That Tune", with Eli. It's more of a forced game with one of us being forced to play against our will! Eli starts by whistling a song, then he stops and says, " Dad, what song was that?". Because I wasn't listening closely, I missed the ever so slight tonal inflections, and thought each whistled tune sounded the same...but I was wrong ( which prolonged the game). Even when I tried...and I did try (because I was told that we couldn't stop playing until I got three correct!), I guessed incorrectly. You may not know, as I didn't either, that the differences between Jingle Bells (traditional) and Jingle Bells (Barman smells) CAN be detected by the well trained ear...the same goes for Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer (traditional) and Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer ( contemporary light bulb version). When I continued to loose, Eli suggested playing " Name That Tune" by tap dancing (rhythmically stomping loudly on the floor)...again, I missed the subtle nuances and lost the game.
I did, however, come to the realization that sometimes those things that we may see as a negative are really blessings in disguise...such as my partial deafness!

cooking with Eli...

One of Eli's favorite things to do is cook. This morning he made one of his specialties - scrambled eggs and biscuits. My mom is with us right now, (watching Eli while he is out of school for Thanksgiving break and Sherri and I work), and commented that Eli could have his own cooking show...showing other kids how to cook. Fame and fortune started running through my head in quick sprints toward glory...I could be one of those great stage dads, offering minor suggestions that would enhance viewing pleasure...but it all came to a screeching halt ( runner down, runner down!) when I heard him ask me for the iron foil to cover the eggs...

Ladies and Gentlemen, for one night only...

Last night Eli was telling me about his day at school. Apparently , at some point during the day, Eli was singing softly to himself and the other children heard him. One of the boys in the class remarked, Eli...I didn't know you could sing! Which started the whole class chanting..." Sing Eli, sing Eli, sing Eli..." I said, " well, what happened? What did you do?" He kind of shrugged and said, " I put on a concert for them!" "Wow, a concert?" ""Yep, I started singing the songs from Disney shows...like Austin and Alley" (demonstration of a medley of songs...mostly one or two lines with a lot of unintelligible words) I asked about those and he said that those were for the kids that speak Spanish. ( I sing like that all of the time and people around me make fun because I don't know the words...all this time it's been Spanish! Who knew?)
It must have been quite the show because he will be doing a Christmas lineup for his next gig at school...but I'm not allowed to go because it's just for students...

snow...snow...snow...

Ahhh, it's winter in south Louisiana. The bitter humid cold comes in for a day or a week at a time. We will be at 25°f tonight and with that Eli (like all kids down here) has started the prayers for snow.
While getting ready this morning his excitement continued to build and so did his vision of the coming wintery wonderland. Our first order of business will be building a snow fort that will protect us from the other kid's snowballs. Then we will have to make snowballs. He will show me how it's done and then I can take over while he builds some booby traps that will dump snow on unsuspecting kids and passers-by. He has come up with a genius plan to lure the prey to us...Eli's plan is to make a talking snowman that looks like Olaf from the movie Frozen. He said," Dad, it's so easy...all we need is some red, black and blue wire." I had a hard time getting a word in while details of what needed to happen to create a living snowman came one after another...and then everything got quite for what seemed like 5 seconds and then came the question in song..." Do you want to build a snowman?" How could I resist, especially now that the song is stuck in my head!
Please join me in praying that we will have a huge dumping of snow! (I don't even know if we have a chance for snow...but according to Eli, we do... And faith moves mountains or in this case, the snow from the mountains!)

home(work)...

Tonight's homework with Eli included lots of reading and comprehension questions afterward. The story was about an artist that liked to paint unusual things and in the process of self discovery he painted a painting of him painting a painting of him painting a painting of him painting a painting... You get the picture. At some point the story says the painting seemed to come alive and start painting itself....
NOW, one of the questions was: What is this passage mostly about?
A) Why Matt likes to paint
B) The relationship between Matt and the author
C) How Matt learns he has magical powers
D) How Matt puts himself into his paintings (correct)
Eli originally stopped at C and thought that would be a cool answer...he then started telling me a story about some quest that a guy was on and he too discovered that he had magic powers. In my opinion, this is not a fair question...a young boy like Eli sees the word magic and the question is no longer relevant...he's dreaming of fighting dragons and throwing fireballs from his fingers.
After drawing him back in, we come to another question.
Matt's teacher tells him to paint his studio, ______ Matt would rather paint something unusual.
A) but
B) so
C) like
D) after
I told him to pick one, to which Eli started laughing and said, "Dad, you told me to pick the but! hahahahahaha...butt, butt,butt...my butt, your butt, Ollie's butt...pick a butt.
10 minutes later we returned to the homework.
I would like to thank whoever came up with these 4th grade homework questions (not the teacher)..great job for ADD Boys.

two men enter...one man leaves...

Whilst doing spelling homework with Eli, we came to the word mimic. Eli commented that mimic means to imitate and that he can do some great imitations. My curiosity was peeked even though we had been doing homework for a couple of hours...many more than it should take...it's not really homework, but more like two great superpowers coming together in a grueling competition of wit and will with determination to break the others spirit- no matter how long it takes! Anyway, Eli goes on to say that he can say the word mimic in many different languages. Mamic, momic, mumic, mimico, he insisted that these are real words and said them with a straight face. Who knew? No need for Rosetta Stone...

Orchestral Manoeuvres...

Today Eli was packing up for school and I noticed that his bag was looking a bit fuller than normal ( much like an old world peddler, I assume...with the modern twist of zippers for easy access) so I had to check. When I opened it, he had packed our electric pencil sharpener. I asked why and he told me that his teacher's pencil sharpener had broken yesterday so he volunteered ours until it's fixed. As I kept digging down, he had packed a large Tupperware container filled with prisms for his class. I asked if we could put them in a smaller bag or something to save space, but he wouldn't hear of it...they might get squashed and break and then someone might be disappointed ( logical). At the bottom were four flattened toilet tissue rolls...flattened. I asked what they were for and he explained that they were needed for an art project and he was bringing extra in case someone forgot theirs...
I smiled and started thinking to myself how much I Iove that he thinks of others and watches out for them...(we are still working on including sisters - I'm sure that comes in time!)
My moment was gone when Eli informed me that we had to hurry and repack everything so that he wouldn't be late..."Dad", he said, " we need to hum that song that means to go faster...the one played by tubas and French horns". I told him that those weren't instruments that really sound fast in songs. He thought and then added, " oh...and violins!

design star...

Eli and I were walking around with Ollie the other evening and he noticed that Hammond is putting up Christmas decorations everywhere. He looked at me and said, "Dad, I can't wait to see how they decorate the park this year."( Hammond completely decorates one of its parks in the center of town...it just happens to be at the end of our street, also) . I said, "yep, it won't be long.". Eli looked at the decorations going up and then said, "Dad, they should ask you and I about decorating for Christmas because we know almost everything about Christmas." (I love that boy!) 
He has been fast at work designing things for our front yard...I dare say I will need to borrow my two neighbors yards as well!

maybe it was Charlton Heston...

Eli has been learning to ride a bike and has become much more confident. So this morning I decided to let Eli ride while Ollie Mae and I walked our 4miles through Hammond and partially around Southeastern. As we passed the cemetery behind the Episcopal church, Eli stopped and Noted an old above ground tomb. He asked, "Dad, do you know who is in there?" I told him that I did not. The name was on the opposite side.Eli said," I know who it is...look how old it is...it's Moses...from the Bible!"
Moses...right here in Hammond, Louisiana! I guess he parted the Atlantic also...

the things I learn from Eli...

Sunday life lessons from Eli:
Dad, boys are made in the cold.
What Eli?
Boys are made in the cold and girls are made in the heat. It's true. I was cold when I was in mom's stomach...oh, and salt water crocodiles bury their boy eggs in cold sand.
Oh and dad...we need to start stocking up for hurricanes.
Hurricane season is almost over for us. The weather is getting colder and hurricanes can't form in the cold.
But killer whales and blue whales can make them.
What?? How can whales make hurricanes?
They suck in cold water from the ocean when they eat fish and then it warms up in their stomachs because the fish are food and food makes energy and energy makes heat and that's how they put out warm water. That's what happens in Mexico, South America and Australia...
That's not really how it works Eli...
Oh, really...Dad, there are a lot of whales out there.
(Pause while his two nephews get in the car)
Poppy, our fish Mr Darby died.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll get you a new one...how 'bout that?
Dad, you should get an electric eel. You can power your whole house on just one eel. They have special tanks with wires wrapped around them and they go out into your house. They have them for cars also. You won't ever have to buy gas again; but you have to get the right kind of eel...they have water eels also that spit out water and ink but they don't have any electrical power...
I'm not sure if Al Gore knows that mankind is NOT the problem to global warming, it's those darn whales...but with eel power we can combat (and I dare say, reverse) global warming!
This has been an Eli public service announcement...

priceless moments...

I may not get it right all the time and I'm far from being the perfect dad, but you know, today I was taking Eli to school and as we got to the end of our street, my son looked over at me and said...Dad...you can start praying for me now. 
I love that he expects prayer to start his morning and to cover his day.

If I could save time in a bottle...

Have you ever had one of THOSE mornings? 
I woke up at a reasonable time this morning so I afforded myself the luxury of taking a hot shower ( and a little bit longer one because it's already getting cold in the house). I get out, dry off, dress...I just slip on my tennis shoes without socks because I have to take Ollie out for a walk...I put the cinnamon rolls in the oven...saddle up Ollie and notice that it's time for Eli to wake up. I've already pulled his clothes so I'm a step ahead. Ollie and I are gone for about 15 minutes and I'm feeling good about the day..until I notice that Eli hasn't gotten dressed...I wrangle him in and get him started in the dressing process. I feed Ollie and give her new water...cinnamon rolls ready!...start packing Eli's books...WHAT???? A whole page of homework that we missed!!! Eli begins moaning and complaining and trying to run away...I'm trying to help...and stay calm at the same time ( a difficult task at times when it comes to homework)...homework done...LUNCH!!! I'm trying to throw something together that at least has the appearance of being on the food chart...he ended up with nuked macaroni and cheese, some fake chicken nuggets (vegan nuggets) and some cheddar crackers....time to go...Eli doesn't have shoes...Eli doesn't know where his shoes are...panic...running around...one shoe found in one room, the other shoe found in another part of the house...shoes on...Eli states that he needs money for the book fair...BOOK FAIR??? I don't have time for the bank (Eli's school only takes cash...smart, except today!)...Eli has to brush his teeth...uggghhh...time is NOT on my side!!!...
I'm at work without socks! So glad that I have deodorant in my truck just in case I need a boost ( or forget to put it on like today) and I'm chewing gum, if that tells you anything...
Many may be asking...what about Sherri??? I am happy to report that as I was flying out of the house without socks, arms filled with Eli's things and pulling Eli along, she was getting out of the tub that she was soaking in...

The world belongs to those with perfect attendance...

Eli has received perfect attendance for the first six weeks of school.This really is an accomplishment considering that last year I threatened to call the bus that takes children to the sweatshop that don't go to school. (This was almost a daily threat) As a reward, Eli received a certificate for a free serving of Chick-fil-A ice cream (I believe they should extend these kind of benefits to work and church attendance as well!) 
I told Eli that I was very proud of him for his effort. He smiled and told me that he was the only one in his class to get perfect attendance...and that some days he was the ONLY kid in class. Eli also had to give a speech about why kids should come to school. It must have touched the hearts and conscious of the class as a whole because they are going to make up their days by attending school on Saturdays and some will even have to spend the night a few times. I said,"WOW, that must have been some speech!" He said , "Yep, one day I'm going to be president and I'll make more speeches and people will have to do what I tell them." I told him that he was speaking of a dictatorship not a presidency. Eli now wants to become a dictator!
( I wonder if Castro started with perfect attendance in school?)

clowning around...

This is Eli's drawing of clowns that was intended to scare me. He explained the drawing to me - they are singing circus music (which is scary) and the clown at the top is playing with fire (the actual fire is to the right), there is the scary midget clown, and the bottom clown ( the most shocking in my opinion) is running with scissors! Don't let the fact that they are smiling lull you into the belief that they are harmless and can be trusted!

it starts with a vision...

Another interesting trip to school with Eli. Today's topic was Christmas decor and what our theme would be this year! Eli started with a grand idea...he wants me to build a large box for our front yard and then the plan has him dressed up like a jack in the box, jumping out and throwing candy ( to the obvious throngs of men, women and children that will be stopped in front of our house in awe!) While I turn the crank dressed as a tin soldier. His plan also involves a real snowball fight between a large Jack Skeleton and some kids dressed up as elves...oh, and a choir of people singing Christmas songs...oh and dad, we need to find an ice ninja ( anyone have the number of a reasonably priced ice ninja?) For the roof
I had to stop him and ask how this all fits into my gingerbread house idea.
Well, he continued, gingerbread houses have candy and when I pop out of the box and throw candy people will understand...hey, I just got a really good idea. Dad you and I can dress up like gingerbread men and we could be a gingerbread family...but I still want to pop out of the box!
I'm not sure how I can pull all this off...choirs, ice ninjas, gingerbread families...elves...there's so much to do...auditions, building...rehearsals!
Sherri Harris has to let me start NOW in order for this to be all that Eli envisions...okay, so who wants to be it the choir? Ice ninja?

what's my bid for...

Eli may be watching a smidge to much TV. Tonight on the way home from the store, Eli started playing Cutthroat Kitchen. He wanted to start a bidding war between Sherri and I over who would cook him dinner. Turns out Sherri lost and had to cook dinner while I got to sit down and have Eli give me a massage AND he went to the garage for me AND I got controlling rights of the remote for a full 10 minutes! I really like this game...wonder what else is on U-verse!

join the club...

I absolutely love Eli's school - Hammond Westside Montessori. Eli likes it as well, which is a huge plus! 
The discussion on the way to school today was all about the clubs offered to the students and I must say, if a child can't find a place to fit in...well, they need to go see Eli. We got on the subject of clubs purely by accident. Eli drew a picture of clowns to scare me (the circus returns next week to rid the city of unsuspecting children...anyway, that's another story). He told me that he might join the clown club or the chicken club at school. I was intrigued by the chicken club. I thought it might be 4H so I asked what the chicken club was all about. Eli said," Dad, it's not what you think. They just stand around and act like chickens. They do this...(he mimicked a boy being a chicken whilst traveling in a car to school)" it was quite the elaborate chicken movement and I immediately thought two things. 1) this is going to be a fun ride to school 2) I wish we would have had a chicken club when I was a kid. Well, because of the surprising answer to the chicken club question, I asked what the clown club did...He said, "you learn to be a clown...like put on a clown face, how to fall down, and throw pies." I explained that I could not let him join the clown cub because clowns are creepy but a kid that knows how to walk and scratch like a chicken...now I could get behind that!.., BUT, I did question the pies, because pies can be expensive...did you have to buy your own pies?... where did the pies come from?...and he told me they come from the pie club...they make pies for the clown club - jelly filled ones. "Oh dad, one time this kid named Abraham threw a pie at me and hit me in the face".(laughter). I asked the logical question, "Is he in the clown club?" "No, he's in the pie club; but they want him in the clown club", he replied. (Pause) "It was strawberry and it went all over me". I told him that I didn't remember getting a call to bring him more clothes. "That's because. I got a rag from the rag club. They make rags for cleaning...oh, and towels and shirts and pants...they can make anything", he said. I said it sounds like a sweat shop club and those are illegal in America. He told me that it's not a sweat shop because the kids LIKE making things and they give their things away...to the helping club and the nice club...everyone should join these clubs....right?
I agreed.
I asked if there were any other clubs and there are...the library club which helps the reading club, the art club which helps paint the school ( again child labor laws come to mind), the music club which has a band that marches down the halls, and the dance club which dances to the music of the band.
I asked if there was a story club...for telling stories. I told him he could he the president! There isn't one of those yet...
Then he told me about the robotics club (a real club). I asked if they dressed up like robots or acted like robots trying to take over the world? - another logical question using the information that I had gleaned from our conversation thus far. " No, they get to build things. I really like building things too....I think I really want to be in this club", he said. I told him that I would look into it.
I really appreciate the symbiotic relationship and harmony between the clubs...OH...and the diversity - something for everyone!

Mr Clean...

I do homework with Eli every night. It's probably the closest I come to Hell and to losing my salvation...but a father's love endures! Tonight, after fighting over the need to write complete sentences, I noticed a new trend and it absolutely drives me bonkers. Eli does not erase his mistakes unless he absolutely has too. He just goes over the wrong letter or word with the right letter or word. This is in direct contrast to the way I am. I hated making mistakes on my paper and if I did make one, I would rewrite the entire page (just a little OCD) but my stuff was/is neat. I'm challenged!!

and now for the rest of the story...

I'm not sure if it's genetics or the cooler mornings, but this morning on the way to school, Eli started singing the Little Drummer Boy song. Well naturally I joined in and knew a few more words and verses. Eli stopped singing and said ...Dad, it's sad that the drummer boy lost his parents in the fire. I questioned the story and told him that I was not aware that he was an orphan. I thought that he was merely poor. Eli corrected my memory and told me that his father had died in the first fire and his mother in the second one. (The fires were set by thieves wanting to steal everything) The drummer boy was only able to save a camel, a donkey, and a baby sheep. This all happened when he was five. That's why he didn't have anything to bring. When Mary saw him she gave him some food and water and let him stay with them in the stable for awhile...(pause)...(thinking)...Dad, I think the drummer boy joined a band when he got older and became the greatest drummer ever!
Unfortunately, I didn't get the name of the band...the teacher opened the door and out he went...
Now that I have more understanding and the back story of the Little Drummer Boy it makes much more sense and is far more exciting...death, hardship, redemption, rock bands...I can't wait to watch it tonight!

Some kids love football and some kids hate football...Eli is of the latter group

just a thought...

I'm thankful for my son Eli, our fifth and final child. I love that he is a story teller, that he knows how to use his imagination and he creates fanciful things for the world to enjoy. I appreciate that he is a thinker and tries to find 3 or 4 solutions to the problem at hand. Eli is also a talker and can fill an eight hour car ride with as many, "Hey Dad, can I tell you something" (s) as there are miles to the destination. I'm thankful that he is still a kid...a big kid, but still a kid who still grabs my hand once in awhile, who still likes to skip through the parking lot of stores, and who still has innocence and purity. I'm thankful that with Eli I have had the joy of knowing what fatherhood really means.

uniform remix...

Eli got his football jersey tonight. He is number 44 on the Wildcats. He was very excited and as he came off the field from practice he was grinning ear to ear. His first game is a week from Saturday (12th). Once we got into the car, Eli started telling us about the new fantastical uniforms that all of the teams will be wearing.
The Wildcats will have a small mane coming off their helmets but there won't be a tail. The Rams are their partner team but older kids and they will have round ram horns coming off of their helmets and shoes. The Rhinos (which are not a real team) will have a small horn protruding from their helmet and black under their eyes. I zoned out as he went through about thirty teams complete with made up names. I focused my attention again when he started describing how the uniforms would light up as they run and the shoes would light up also...I guess kind of like football meets Tron. (I hope he really isn't expecting these things to happen...but then again, if Nike gets a hold of the little league uniforms, anything is possible!)

mirror,mirror...

Eli's question tonight: Dad can women grow beards and mustaches? I said, "Yes... Actually, today I met a mother and her daughter and they both had 5 o'clock shadows at noon."
Eli: "Do you think they have pictures?" 
Me: " I'm sure they do"
Eli (grabbing my phone and asking Google): "Show me ladies with beards" (as if the phone is a magic mirror)...then I hear... COOOOOOL!!! DAD, there really are girls with beards!! (I'm hoping that this is just a passing fascination and that my future daughter-in-law will not have ties to the circus!) (or Bigfoot!) (or the missing link!)

Happy Birthday, Ms. Beasly

Eli has deemed that September 1st shall henceforth be known as Ms. Beasley's birthday. Today the birthday girl received a can of special cat food (which according to Eli contained dolphin guts...and cats love dolphin guts...although I'm not sure how he or they would know that. I guess it's instincetual). Eli also included a rousing chorus of Happy Birthday! Beasley seemed to be touched by all of the fanfare, but kept her emotions in check and feigned indifference to the whole event. Ms. Beasley is now 12 or 13 years old, although she will tell you she's only 10. (But that was like 8 lives ago!!)

a carrier is born...

Eli has started his SEC carrier! We are signed up for American football. Today little league, tomorrow LSU, and then the NFL and the New Orleans Saints!!!
They wowed at his height (4'10") and weight (117) for his age (9). Eli is excited with his new armour. I'm expecting calls from talent scouts for the next couple of years...
I just hope he learns the art of putting on and taking off his helmet before the interviews begin!

I want to fly like an eagle...

Eli came home from school today with a fantastical story. 
Today his class found a Bald Eagle. It was flying all around the school looking for a place to land. Eli and his friends were playing outside and he landed by them. He was hurt and didn't have any feathers...that's why he was bald I asked him about his baldness and his reply was...Dad, that's why they call them Bald Eagles. Someone or something scratched him and we had to save his life. I said...Eli, you and your friends are national heroes. You saved an Eagle! Way to go, son. What did y'all do? Eli told me that they put band-aids all over the Eagle.so that he was covered and then they let him go and he flew away. Everyone was clapping and giving high fives. Supposedly they are starting a new animal rescue club at school, and they want Eli to be the president.
He is already the president of the ninja club, the after school carpool club, and now the animal rescue club. He has already achieved so much...and he's only in the third grade. So proud!!

here comes the son....

9 years ago Sherri Harris and I were right in the middle of a huge kitchen and den remodeling project (actually, there wasn't anything but studs in the kitchen...no water, no appliances, only sub flooring and plastic draped over the doors to other rooms,....) and right at 9:30pm on January 26, Sherri came into our living room and told me that our baby was on the way. I had two friends over Michael Blessing and Dillon McTernan. Sherri asked me to discreetly ask them to leave because our baby was being born at home, so I went in and announced that everyone needed to leave because the baby was on the way! ( Do I know how to clear a room or what?) Our midwife arrived after what seemed like hours, but in actuality was about 20 minutes. And at 2:57am on January 27th, Eli made his grand appearance and my life has never been the same.

and the award for best actor goes to...

Well, Eli isn't going to school today. He has deflected many threats...such as: this is the last day you will stay home for the rest of the year (classic) to the more avant-garde " you know, the doctor may have to remove your foot if it stops working. 
I have even given the big roe a buddy toe and tapped them together to teach the bog toe how to work again...and wouldn't you know the big toe corrupted the second toe.
I have pressed on his heel and the fatty pad by the toes. I have wiggled the toes. There appears to be some bruising and some soreness, but he refuses to walk. I can't release THIS drama on an unsuspecting school and teacher. Now I get to spring this on Sherri , who has taken our daughter to school and will be home soon.
I'm thinking something like...hey, a funny thing happened after you left this morning....( fill in with something about starving children) then present our hobbled mess of a child...I should win the academy award for best drama, best story editing, best supporting actor, and I'm sure sure a few others...I will NOT get best musical (Sherri hates musicals...so there will be no song or dance...well of that kind anyway)
Here we go...