Do you have any last request?

Getting Eli to eat has become a major event at the house. In order to expand his dinning selections from chicken nuggets, pizza, spaghetti, and Marconi and cheese, I have had to implement a new diet plan. He must try/eat six new things before he can have another pizza. Last night was our first trial run. Sherri had made the soup that my mom used to make for me.( I called it vegetable soup, but tha

t is a loose interpretation...it only has tomatoes, tomato sauce, onions, celery, potatoes and stew meat) Eli refused to try it. He said he would rather go to bed hungry, so i obliged him that opportunity. After two minutes, I felt guilty so I went in and tried to convince him to try it...like the guy in green eggs and ham. NO was the reply. I told him that if he kept eating only the 4 things that he eats, i was going to have to get wider doors because it was going to catch up to him. He thought on this point for a little while and even asked how they could make the doors bigger...he missed the point. I tried another approach. I went and got the food and told him that I was going to have to shovel it in. He liked this idea and wanted me to hold him down and blindfold him. i did put a towel over his eyes but I told him that he would have to stand up to eat...we could still pretend that he was a prisoner, but it wasn't safe to lay down and chew (see, I am a conscientious dad!). Once I had him blindfolded, Sherri had to count to ten while he breathed and on ten she had to stick it in his mouth. after eating a bite, he decided that he liked it, but still wanted to be a prisoner. he ate three more bites before claiming that he was full and going off to brush his teeth and go to bed. He now has five more new things to try/eat before pizza. I'm not sure that this little "game" will work at restaurants...I may get arrested for kidnapping! I'm also not sure how many scenarios of torture I can come up with that will get him to eat...firing squad, water boarding, Iron Maiden...

He knows when you've been bad or good...

I guess Eli has realized that Christmas is right around the corner. This morning on the way to school, Eli asked Sherri what list he was on. Sherri asked for clarification on the subject and Eli said you know, the naughty or nice list. Sherri replied with a question," How do you think you end up on the naughty list?" Eli thought and said that being mean to his sister would put him on there. Then S

herri asked him how he could get on the nice list. Eli thought a it longer on this one and finally came to the conclusion that staying far away from his sister should do the trick.
For good measure he came home from school and did ALL of his homework without screaming, wailing, and/or gnashing of teeth. (This is now just one more example and reason as to why Christmas should be before us all year long!)

Father-Son time...

Spending the weekend with Eli and doing the things that he wanted to do reminded me of a time with my dad. I remember how excited I would get when my dad would let us do something fun...that we actually thought was fun. I remember as kids we would go to my grandmother's farm in Mississippi every weekend. At the beginning of the causeway ( a 26 mile bridge across a lake that creates one of New Orleans' boundaries) or the end, depending on if you were coming or going, there was a giant " Super Slide" all lit up. It was bright yellow and orange with flags at the top. There was a certain magic that you could feel, much like the Sirens song that lures young sailors. Often times my siblings and I would beg to stop so that we could play and 9000 out of 9001 times my dad would so no, but on that 9001 time and he would say yes excitement would fill the car. My dad would park in the parking lot of Lakeside mall and my sisters would get a potato sack and start the climb up the Mt. Everest of slides. I guess looking back on it now, the slide was nothing more than what is found in school fairs or parish festivals, it seemed bigger than life but the thrill really had everything to do with your dad stopping what he was doing so that you could do something ...fun. I want Eli to have those memories also, (not that I have a lot of my dad stopping everything but when he did, it was special).I never want to be so busy that I can't stop, at least for a little while.

Road trip...

Well, traveling last night was...interesting. we made it to Baton Rouge (about 30 miles from my house) before the first "are we there yet(s)" started. Those continued until the first pleas for food and bathroom replaced them, with us stopping in Breaux Bridge at McDonald's. I get out of the car only to hear Eli say that he had taken off his shoes (just moments before leaving) and had forgotten to 

put them back on. Luckily, I was a boy scout and packed him an extra pair. After getting a happy meal from our bathroom host, we were off. Now the toy provided in the kids meal that Eli got was a pair of vampire teeth -which out of no where, Eli clamped them down on my neck, causing slight alarm on my part and a lecture on why we do not disturb the driver. At the end of my eloquent speech and an open floor for questions, Eli sighed and asked, " Are we there yet?". By the time we reached Lake Charles, Eli had cleared off the back seat of the collection of necessary toys that we had to bring (resembling an aisle of Toys are Us) for the trip, so he could lay down. Upon reaching Texas, Eli was like a cat in a kennel full of dogs. He was ready to get out of the car...nothing was making him happy...not even the hot fudge Sunday that I got from another McDonald's because the plain hamburger with NOTHING but ketchup was discovered to be plain with NOTHING so I had to get ketchup. He hated the Sunday because it wasn't chocolate and the chocolate that it did have was hard and didn't mix with the ice cream...the complaints were coming fast and furiously, when my mom quietly said...we could put him on the roof like Mitt Romney did to his dog.
Eventually Eli fell asleep, we arrived at my cousins...and this morning at 6:00, all is well...until I tell him that its raining and we may not be going to a pumpkin patch this morning!

Did someone call for a Paleontologist?

Eli asked me if he could dig up the bunnies that we got two Easters ago (pets that didn't work out well for us...they died about a week after Easter) Anyway, being intrigued and a little grossed out, I asked why. He replied that he wanted to pretend like he was one of those men that dig up dinosaur bones and puts them back together. I'm glad he didn't see where I buried them...or the other unfortunate animals that didn't make it, for that matter.

Ruler of the animals...

I'm so very excited! Eli has been chosen as the Grand Giraffe for this coming week in his classroom.( It is the equivalent of being student of the week, only Eli said it's greater because it's the Grand Giraffe and... well, it is a Giraffe after all!) Eli showed us the note from his teacher and it explained that Eli was able to be the Grand Giraffe because he had done something that had upheld the

 values of the school and he had shown respect for himself, his environment, and for others. He will get to have this honor for a week and with it comes the privilege of being the line leader and having a poster about you hung in the classroom. All of this was great, but Eli explained that the greatest thing about being the Grand Giraffe is that you get to rule the school and everyone bows down to you when you pass them and they give you things.( I failed to read this part in the letter, but Eli assured me that his account of the GG is accurate and factual.) I do have a few concerns...I don't think that he will be satisfied with one week( with all the bowing and serving and the giving of gifts, I know I would want it to go on...and on...and on), I'm not sure why his teacher left the serving and bowing and the basic transfer of power between adult and student out of her letter, and because of this great honor, will the school ever be the same? So ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure ( and bowing and scraping ) that I announce that my son is the Grand Giraffe. ( wonder if there are any perks for the Father of the Grand Giraffe...)

Being the Grand giraffe did have its perks for Eli. He got a genuine fake gold medallion on a red, white, and blue ribbon (that he MUST wear ALL week), a bracelet (that he MUST wear all week) and he is the leader of the hippos,giraffes, and the monkeys...maybe he really is KING of thhhheeeeee for-est!

In praise of GOOOGLE...

God has allowed Eli to live another day. I know that it was by his Divine revelation that Google was founded and appointed for such a day as today. 
We had stopped to get snowballs for Sherri, Eli, and Ariana. The line was long, but we were in e comfort of our car waiting to advance in the drive thru. Eli was being himself which can be larger than my trailblazer sometimes can hold...today was one 

such day. He was talking, telling stories, drumming, singing ( all at the same time and poking and yelling at Ariana. At some point, Eli decided that Ariana was no longer worthy of a seat belt nor the safety of such a thing, so he stretched the belt from one side of the car to the headrest of the other side - which caused the belt to LOCK in that position. When I got home, I could not remove the headrest, I could not move the seat up or back or up and down. It was stuck! Now I am in NO WAY a mechanically inclined person when it comes to automobiles and the secret workings of interior or exterior spaces ( I do know how to change a tire, fill up with gas, and if need be, flag someone down for help). I did the only thing that someone with my limited knowledge could do, I started taking the seat belt apart...I only took off the cover before realizing that I did not have a tool or the strength to remove the bolt holding the belt in place. Plan B: remove the head rest...no can do! It only goes so far and then it stops. Plan C: google the problem. I typed in " my son stretched the seat belt across the car to the other side and it is now stuck on the headrest". To my shock and great relief this same thing had happened to a lady with an Escalade and her nephew! I followed the simple instructions...BTW, the headrest stops and then there is a pin that you must push in order to release the headrest. The belt went zipping back into its normal position, I pounded the interior covers back onto the walls of my car that I had tried to pry off, and Eli has lived another day and another adventure is history. Thank God for google! I'm not sure how my parents survived without it!!!!