I want to fly like an eagle...

Eli came home from school today with a fantastical story. 
Today his class found a Bald Eagle. It was flying all around the school looking for a place to land. Eli and his friends were playing outside and he landed by them. He was hurt and didn't have any feathers...that's why he was bald I asked him about his baldness and his reply was...Dad, that's why they call them Bald Eagles. Someone or something scratched him and we had to save his life. I said...Eli, you and your friends are national heroes. You saved an Eagle! Way to go, son. What did y'all do? Eli told me that they put band-aids all over the Eagle.so that he was covered and then they let him go and he flew away. Everyone was clapping and giving high fives. Supposedly they are starting a new animal rescue club at school, and they want Eli to be the president.
He is already the president of the ninja club, the after school carpool club, and now the animal rescue club. He has already achieved so much...and he's only in the third grade. So proud!!

here comes the son....

9 years ago Sherri Harris and I were right in the middle of a huge kitchen and den remodeling project (actually, there wasn't anything but studs in the kitchen...no water, no appliances, only sub flooring and plastic draped over the doors to other rooms,....) and right at 9:30pm on January 26, Sherri came into our living room and told me that our baby was on the way. I had two friends over Michael Blessing and Dillon McTernan. Sherri asked me to discreetly ask them to leave because our baby was being born at home, so I went in and announced that everyone needed to leave because the baby was on the way! ( Do I know how to clear a room or what?) Our midwife arrived after what seemed like hours, but in actuality was about 20 minutes. And at 2:57am on January 27th, Eli made his grand appearance and my life has never been the same.

and the award for best actor goes to...

Well, Eli isn't going to school today. He has deflected many threats...such as: this is the last day you will stay home for the rest of the year (classic) to the more avant-garde " you know, the doctor may have to remove your foot if it stops working. 
I have even given the big roe a buddy toe and tapped them together to teach the bog toe how to work again...and wouldn't you know the big toe corrupted the second toe.
I have pressed on his heel and the fatty pad by the toes. I have wiggled the toes. There appears to be some bruising and some soreness, but he refuses to walk. I can't release THIS drama on an unsuspecting school and teacher. Now I get to spring this on Sherri , who has taken our daughter to school and will be home soon.
I'm thinking something like...hey, a funny thing happened after you left this morning....( fill in with something about starving children) then present our hobbled mess of a child...I should win the academy award for best drama, best story editing, best supporting actor, and I'm sure sure a few others...I will NOT get best musical (Sherri hates musicals...so there will be no song or dance...well of that kind anyway)
Here we go...